Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
