Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
