I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
