My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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