im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
