Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
