god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tell your sister to shave her snatch
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
