it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
