u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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