I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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