I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
