So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize