dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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