You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
