Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
