You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
