Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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