I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
