i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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