If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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