your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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