ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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