i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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