i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
