i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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