Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
