i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
