you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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