i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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