So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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