Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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