Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dicks are not precious.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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