Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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