were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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