Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
