So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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