Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
