hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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