Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
