One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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