so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
