if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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