I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
then he tried to convert me to islam
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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