He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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