Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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