oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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