so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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