OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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