I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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