I think I died a long time ago.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
