my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
