i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i think i just lost a toe
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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