I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
