Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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