I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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