Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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