I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
