She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
