The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
