During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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