Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
