My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
